What is the effect of ageism on your love life?
Ageism can be found anywhere, according to some gerontologists. The term describes a negative attitude toward older people, which presents itself differently. Our cultural and personal views of seniors are tainted by ageism. It occurs when persons of a specific age are seen to be “too old” to take on a new career, obtain healthcare, or even fall in love. Perhaps ageism’s most harmful feature is internalization and limited personal understandings of late-life options.
Ageism affects social professionals, too. Since our professional duty is to help vulnerable people, it is worrisome. I once asked my audience this when I was speaking at a conference for mental health experts: “How many of you inquire about romantic love with your clients as part of your evaluation process?” Two hands went up in that group of experts, and one of them was my student! “What’s the harm in that?” I asked. Some of them said that asking about love would be “unprofessional.” One of the women experts said, “We can ask clients about their main relationships, but we shouldn’t use the word “love.”
An overview of infatuation
Even at later ages, adults may feel tremendous infatuation. As per the findings of our Internet survey, individuals over the age of 50 who were in new relationships had a greater level of romantic passion than their younger counterparts. Whenever I talk about infatuation, I remember Barbara, an 83-year-old lady I interviewed. Barbara, a friendly woman filled with vitality, became deeply fascinated at 79. She had met a funny, kind man who made her laugh. She was seen skipping down the street with her beloved, singing, “I love you!” on a sunny California day.
Barbara was not alone in her feelings. “I feel like a teenager!” said several older individuals aged 64 to 88 when recalling the joy of falling in love. Infatuated older folks, like others, cherish the chance to communicate their feelings with a trusted, nonjudgmental friend. Infatuation can be dangerous, too.
Infatuation is a big deal in American culture, and it plays a big part in how we view relationships. We daydream about a relationship that starts with passion and ends with a lifetime commitment. External infatuations are strongly criticized because we expect people in committed relationships to reject all the others. However, as we all know, they do occur, and the results can be terrible.
It’s normal to have age preferences in dating, but I think it’s considered ageism when the only reason left for rejecting and shutting down romantic opportunities is your date’s age. In my case, ageism became an obstacle in my love life since women started using other excuses to avoid dating me when clearly my biggest problem was that I was older than them.
I say most significant because I never deny any other of my faults. But when someone rejects or breaks up with you, you can see the difference between issues and excuses. I think seniors should have more dating opportunities since the world strongly dictates, “Age is just a number, and love is just love.” But unfortunately, I think that motto is only left on paper, and we still see age as a dating barrier in real life.
The topic of romantic life is something that you have encountered a lot in your life. I don’t think there’s any purer form of ageism since something positive becomes negative just because the discussed age group changes. The most damaging effects of this form of ageism show themselves when it becomes internalized, restricting late-life possibilities and opportunities for seniors.
That’s when older people believe that they are too old to fall in love and experience romance and intimacy. One of the reasons behind most internalized ageist beliefs is that the victims constantly think, “What would other people think?” and make these beliefs internalized out of fear of social rejection. As a result, they give this overthinking a chance to take away a potential romantic life from them.
Talking about love affairs among older people is ridiculous to many young adults and seniors. No one can deny the importance of love. It’s a basic human need. However, most seniors tend to ignore it because they think they’re too old and love and romantic affairs are for teenagers.
The roots go back to the destructive effects of internalized ageism when individuals unnecessarily restrict the late-life possibilities and don’t let themselves enter into any romantic or sexual relationship. They strictly believe that there’s an age at which they are too old to fall in love or use dating applications.
Another destructive effect of ageism is discouraging seniors from opening up about their sexual desires and experiences. Unfortunately, people tout the ick factor regarding seniors being sexual or talking about sex.
It’s time to stop these negative attitudes about seniors and their romantic affairs. Falling in love and having a perfect sexual relationship is the fundamental right of every human being, regardless of age. No one should be ashamed of such things.
